


Eyes Closed Against The Pain

by Guardian_Rose



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:45:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8340319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardian_Rose/pseuds/Guardian_Rose
Summary: “Alexander?” Magnus whispered, cursing himself when his voice wavered and that helpless fear crept into it. He was frozen still, watching and listening to Alec’s muffled sobs without knowing what to do.“Darling,” there it was again, that damned break in his voice, “what’s wrong?” He spoke louder this time but still didn’t approach him.





	1. Chapter 1

Magnus woke up without Alec wrapped around him and sighed. The other man had probably been called away in the early hours of dawn for a mission by his siblings, it wasn’t abnormal. Alec had been sleeping over at Magnus’s a few days a week for a while now and Magnus had been considering asking the other man to move in permanently.

 

The warlock sat up and ran a hand through his hair, passing a look around the room. He blinked in confusion when he saw the open bedroom door, Alec always closed it on his way out, and Alec’s jumper from last night tossed over the back of the chair still. The living room light was on as well. So Alec hadn’t left, yet at least. Magnus glanced at the clock then at the curtained window, it was three in the morning. Maybe Alec had just had a nightmare? 

 

The shadowhunter had been acting rather different to usual last night as well, Magnus realised as he thought back. Alec had been quieter than normal, more tense and fidgety. Like he had been at the start of their relationship. 

 

Magnus had passed it off as him having had a particularly bad day at the Institute but coupled with the desperate way Alec had kissed him all night and the now this, Magnus wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t like Alec to keep something from him. If something was bothering the younger man, Magnus always made sure he did what he could to help and vice versa.

 

Magnus pushed back the covers and hugged his arms around himself. There was doubt gnawing at his thoughts and the frozen burning of fear racing through his veins, making his heart speed up unpleasantly. He made his way into the living room. His boyfriend was sitting with his back to Magnus on the couch, head held in his hands with his shoulders shaking. He was wearing his proper gear which would explain the forgotten jumper. 

 

Had he already been on a mission and it had gone wrong? Alec’s bow and quiver was next to him, leaning against the couch and there was a....duffel bag next to him. He wasn’t...they were…there was no reason for him to…was there?

 

“Alexander?” Magnus whispered, cursing himself when his voice wavered and that helpless fear crept into it. He was frozen still, watching and listening to Alec’s muffled sobs without knowing what to do.

 

“Darling,” there it was again, that damned break in his voice, “what’s wrong?” He spoke louder this time but still didn’t approach him.

 

Alec stopped moving and silenced immediately. He sat up straighter, looking forwards.

 

“I have to go.” Alec’s voice was surprisingly stable and cold. It sent a shiver threw Magnus.

 

He knew that tone. He’d heard that tone more times than he could count. From all of the people he had loved before. The ones who had left him. But Alec was different, this was different! They had proven that time and time again, Magnus had never felt this way with anyone before. This couldn’t be happening.

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“I don’t-” Alec choked on his words and it tore at the warlock’s heart, “I can’t stay with you...anymore.” 

 

Magnus took a step forward.

 

“Don’t lie to me Alexander. What’s happened?” Magnus couldn’t help the petulant frustration in his voice.

 

“I’m not lying, warlock.” 

 

Magnus closed his eyes at the onslaught of emotions he couldn’t even begin to sort through. This wasn’t the Alexander that he knew, the kind-hearted, selfless man who had kissed him in front of the entire New York Institute. Who had treated him as a person of equal worth not the warlock downworlder that the rest of the Nephilim saw.

 

“Why are you doing this?” Magnus heard the other man stand up and he opened his eyes as Alec picked up his things. He didn’t turn to face him once.

 

“I already told you, I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“To Idris. I’m going to be working with Lydia and the Clave.” 

 

“Alexander, please! Look at me!” Magnus couldn’t help his pleading tone but it made Alec stop at last by the door. He didn’t turn around, if he could just see those beautiful eyes. “Lets just talk about this, we can figure this out together.”

 

“No we can’t. They’ve given me an ultimatum and I’ve chosen.”

 

“Who? The Clave?” Magnus asked desperately, walking towards Alec but stopping short as he saw the letter on the coffee table.

 

“I’m sorry Magnus. I can’t leave my family.” Alec’s voice hardened with every word. More sure every second. Magnus hated it.

 

“Leave them? How would-” Magnus put it all together as he scanned the letter, “They threatened to de-rune you.” It wasn’t a question.

 

“I’m sorry.” Alec repeated and Magnus understood.

 

He couldn’t ask him to abandon his family, cutting his parabatai connection with Jace alone could kill him. No, there wasn’t a choice to made. Magnus closed his eyes again as the front door opened and clicked shut.

  
_ It’s painful to say goodbye to someone you don’t want to let go, but it’s more painful to ask someone to stay when you know they want to leave. _


	2. Follow-Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabelle delivers a letter to Alec in Idris.

Alec slipped away from dinner early. Isabelle, Jace and Clary were visiting him in Idris and they were going out to show Clary some of the sights of Alicante; he was going to join them when they went to Lake Lyn tomorrow but for tonight he had something to do. 

 

On their arrival, Isabelle had pulled him aside and handed him a letter with his name written on the front in Magnus’s cursive handwriting. She had hugged him and made him promise not to go through this alone, to talk to her when he needed someone. Now he was alone in his room with the letter held in his hand.

 

He had to open it. He knew he owed it to Magnus and to himself to hear what the warlock had to say. Alec carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the folded piece of paper, one side filled with Magnus’s beautiful writing.

 

“Dear Alexander,

 

I understand why you had to leave and even though it breaks my heart I do not begrudge you your choice. It was an unfair, heartless manipulation tactic the Clave used to further their own political gains and to abolish whatever rebels against their conservative views. I do not blame you, darling, and you shouldn’t either. 

 

It is impossible for me to stop loving you just because they say it is wrong and they cannot change that no matter what they threaten. I believe things are starting to change, Alexander, and if one day we can be together again then I will wait for that day. But if you would rather move on with your life then I understand and wish you the best. 

 

Isabelle has devised a way for you and I to stay in contact if that is what you want but like I said, if you want to cut all connections then I understand. I want only what you want, Alexander, whatever will make this easier for you. Let me know your decision.

 

Yours forever,

Magnus.”

 

Alec reread the letter twice, wiping the tears away before they could fall and smear the ink. He scrambled for a pen and paper so he could write a response, already making plans to talk to his sister when she returned from her evening explorations with the others. 

  
They would make this work because Alec didn’t want to move on. Not really. Not ever. Even if that meant that he would only see Magnus in person on rare occasions until something changed. Even if nothing ever did change, he wanted this. Magnus was it for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> Any and all comments welcome! Especially prompts! <3


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